The emotions of a Purky chap

Yeah, I know. Opening with a title like that. Screams doom and gloom doesn't it?

I am an emotional man, it leads me to create beautiful works of art and literature, facilitates my ability to be compassionate and fuels my urge to be helpful.

It also allows me to be crumpled up like a paper bag or shattered like a.....yup you guessed it, a 'glass cannon.

I do not really want to go into much detail here because it could quickly become inflamatory but a long term close friend has behaved thoughtlessly and hurt my feelings. I am now second guessing many things in my life and getting increasingly distressed. Said friend would probably respond by calling me 'such an emo' but as part of my manifesto of living honestly, I accept my emotional nature.

Therefore to use it as a term of derision is meaningless.

I am struggling to remind myself that I am not meaningless and that each day is another minor step towards my life goals. Yeah I do not really like my job but as the days go by it is becoming more manageable. Yeah I have not completed any serious pieces of publishable work but I am making progress with my technique and storytelling. Yeah I don't have much money, but that doesn't upset me so much.

I have achieved everything that I have truly set my mind to. I have GCSE's, A-Levels and 2:1 BA(HONS) degree all set to a backdrop of family hardship and complex issues. I still got there.

I have a driving licence and my own car.

A large and diverse selection of wonderful friends (I do not advocate quantity as a measure but I am blessed)

A young man who loves me very much and I adore in return.

A beautiful cat who brings me joy every day.

The space to explore myself artistically in my studio.

I am not meaning to brag here but I feel the need to reassert myself in my own existance. It is all essentially meaningless and so you develop your own meanings and boundaries. For me, its living honestly and expressively.

Hence the creation of Purky's Place and thank you for coming to visit me here folks.

The rest of this months posts will most probably be centered around crafty things, so please pop back soon.

I have a sculpting post to pop up, a bronze tutorial post and some other things including rockets...

Much love and purkiness to everyone x

The Glass Cannon

Glass cannons are a popular trope in television, games etc.  A thing of immense power that is also incredibly fragile....Allow me to introduce my artistic self esteem!

I can make absolutely beautiful and astonishing things but every tiny shred of pride can be cut down by the well placed criticism. I am not including constructive criticism or even the shit sandwich here. (Shit sandwich equals 'Good thing as bottom slice of bread' Something to improve/not so good thing for a filling 'Good thing as top slice of bread')

The criticism most probably will not come from an external source either, it stems from my eternal, internal uber critic. The voice that points out I still haven't made 'insert long procrastinated project' or made contact with 'insert business/gallery name' Unfortunately for me and like many other people attempting to make their way as artistic professionals, I am constrained by budgetry concerns...Essentially meaning that I do not have an art budget at the moment. That push for a new level of profesionalism and perfection....well I need a powered rotary tool...awww too bad!

Quite often this inspires me to push against the boundary and use my skill to make some money. In the four months that I traded full time as Purky Products I made a fair amount of gross profit but once the expenses came out my Net was hugely underwhelming. I now realise, I undercharged for my work in an attempt to breach the more general market and that I should not have been trying to breach the general market!

I spent the two months after Christmas looking for work. The plan being that I would find some temp or part time work, reboost the coffers and get Purky rolling again with a new collection in Spring. Work took 8 weeks to find and so of course now I am working to pay back my overdraft that I ate into!

So is, he is having a moan and a bitch? Not really folks, I am laying out to myself and the world that actually this 'Quit your dayjob' shit is incredibly hard work and that you may have to take steps back on your way up the mountain.

Currently I am working in a warehouse, in a hyper masculine and non-creative environment and must say I am holding my own. The tedious menial work is giving my brain the space to breath. Of course thinking time equals a fair amount of self-beration time but it also means external stimulation and new ideas.

I geniunely believe in the glass cannon analagy and will be bringing new products to life soon.

So you know, I did do my garden and some designing on Saturday. I also enjoyed a lovely Sunday lunch with DB, Supervixeyasbo and her husband and took some time to chill out.

This Saturday, more gardening and designing is planned.

To everyone who reads, thankyou very much

I also wish to thank the artistic creative people around me who offer me their technical and emotional support. It is very much appreciated.

xx